John M. Gottman, Ph.D., a relationship therapist, studied married couples at the Love Lab on the University of Washington campus. The main finding of Gottman’s research is that strong marriages have a strong friendship as a defining characteristic. In fact, Gottman’s whole book, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work,” has to do with building friendships and dealing with conflict in healthy ways so that it does not adversely affect the friendship.[ii]
What does Gottman mean by friendship, and why is friendship so important in marriage?
In chapter two entitled, “What does make a marriage work?” Gottman explains what he means by friendship on the bottom of page twenty-seven. “At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately and are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in big ways but through small gestures day in day out. [iii]
When couples learn to react to one another in positive ways and avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, their relationships have more romance and contentment.
Think about your friendships…is your spouse your best friend and are you a part of their hopes and dream!
[i] (image) http://clipart-library.com/getting-married-cliparts.html (Links to an external site.)
[ii] John m. Gottman, PH.D., Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York,2015
Happy Eternal Marriage and Family 