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What is physical intimacy? What have the prophets and apostles said about it?
Marriage.com defines physical intimacy as,” Physical intimacy between couples is an act or exchange of feelings including close companionship, platonic love, romantic love or sexual attraction. … For a married couple, intimacy includes physical, emotional and spiritual close, inherent to the happiness of a close couple.”[i]
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints talks about physical intimacy in marriage in The Family A Proclamation to the world.” The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” [ii]
Several prophets and apostles have talked about physical intimacy over the years. I am going to share the ones that stick out to me the most. Marital intimacy is a very sacred subject. We should ensure that we are reverencing and protecting it in our marriages. The prophets and apostles have said many inspiring words concerning physical intimacy that will help us do that.
Physical Intimacy is ordained of the Lord. President John Taylor, a past President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints once said the following, “We have a great many principles innate in our natures that are correct, but they want sanctifying. God said to man, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.’( Genesis 1:28) Well, he has planted, in accordance with this, a natural desire in women towards man, and in man towards women and a feeling of affection, regard, and sympathy exists between the sexes. We bring it into the world with us, but that, like everything else, has to be sanctified. An unlawful gratification of these feelings and sympathies is wrong in the sight of God, and leads down to death, while a proper exercise of our functions leads to life, happiness, and exaltations in this world and the world to come. And so it is in regard to a thousand other things.”[iii]
Intimacy and blessing from the Lord, President Lorenzo Snow past president of the church spoke concerning this. “Think of the promises that are made to you in the beautiful and glorious ceremony that is used in the marriage covenant in the temple. When two Latter-day Saints are united together in marriage, promises are made to them concerning their offspring, that reach from eternity to eternity. They are promised that they shall have the power and the right to govern and control and administer salvation and exaltation and glory to their offspring worlds without end. And what offspring they do not have here, undoubtedly there will be opportunities to have them hereafter. What else could man wish? A man and a woman in the other life, having celestial bodies, free from sickness and disease, glorified and beautified beyond description, standing in the midst of their posterity, governing and controlling them, administering life, exaltation, and glory, worlds without end.”[iv]
Physical intimacy can also be misused. President Spencer W. Kimball, another past prophet of the church spoke on this subject. “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true, and the Lord would not condone it.”[v]
Howard W. Hunter, another past prophet also spoke on this subject. “Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.”
Sensitivity to your spouse is touched on in A Parents Guide Chapter 6. “Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual need associated with this sacred act. They will be able to complement each other in the marriage relationship if they give tender, considerate attention to these needs of their partner. Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than to use this highly significant relationship merely to satisfy his or her own passion. Couples will discover differences in the needs or desires each partner has for the relationship, but when each strives to satisfy the needs of the other these differences need not present a serious problem. Remember, this intimate relationship between husband and wife was established to bring joy to them. An effort to reach this righteous objective will enable married couples to use their complementary natures to bring joy to this union.”[vi]
Be true to your spouse, President Howard W. Hunter gave wise council about this. ““Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed. Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed.”[vii]
President Ezra Taft Benson also gave wise counsel on being faithful to your spouse and protecting your marriage from spiritual and physical infidelity. “If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. Sometimes we hear of a married man going to lunch with his secretary or other women in the office. Men and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity. A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters, this is what Paul men at when he said, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).”[viii]
If we follow the wise counsel of the prophet’s and apostles, we can enjoy meaningful intimacy in marriage and protect our marriage from spiritual and physical infidelity.
[i] Dos and Don’Ts of Physical Intimacy in Marriage – Marriage.com
[ii] https://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/relief-society/relief-society-resources/family-proclamation-1997840-PDF.pdf
[iii] President John Taylor, Intimacy in Marriageand Gospel Kingdom, 61.
[iv] President Lorenzo Snow, Intimacy in Marriage and Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, 138.
[v] Spencer W. Kimball,Intimacy in Marriage and Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 312.
[vi] A Parents Guide Chapter 6 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
[vii] President Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51
[viii] President Ezra Taft Benson. “The Law of Chastity,” BYU 1987-88 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [1988], p. 52.
Happy Eternal Marriage and Family 