Married couples will go through many financial challenges throughout their marriage,

but it doesn’t have to be a source of anger and discontent. Each spouse comes to their marriage with a different set of “family rules, “learned by their family of origin. These are rules that guide them in their social roles, interpersonal relationships, set limits on their behavior, help them predict the behavior of others, and how to manage their finances.[i] When a couple gets married, they must learn what their partner’s family rules are and then create new family rules that our best for their family. It is essential both partners feel loved, understood, and respected. The pair need to develop new family financial rules for their family, being sure to eliminate dysfunctional and irresponsible practices and replace them with healthy, responsible financial practices the couple agrees with.

            Bernard Poduska suggests some examples of “financially effective character traits,” that we should develop in his book, “Till Debt Do Us Part.”[ii]

• Be a Saver- pay cash for what you buy and maintain a savings account.
• Self-Reliance- try to be your banker whenever possible, establish a savings program to set aside payments towards the purchase of an item long before you purchase it that way, you earn interest instead of paying it. Live on Net Income.
• Flexibility- If you live below your means, then when the need arises, you will be able to draw on uncommitted funds and have freedom and flexibility from lack of indebtedness.
•  Problem-centered- don’t focus on what they can’t do anything about but focus on what they can like having a family emergency fund.
• Active-Appreciation- appreciate what you already have, the new and improved model doesn’t mean better than what you already have.
• Strong Sense of Ethics- know the importance of dealing honestly with your fellow men.
• Strong Sense of Self- can suppress the urge to waste money on fads, status symbols, or competition with others.
• Imagination- by being imaginative and creative in increasing your income or decreasing your spending, you can better cope with the financial climate.
• Appreciation of Emotional Costs- develop the ability to evaluate the emotional and monetary cost of things. Consider the emotional strain because of indebtedness and or added work hours due to someone’s spending habits.
• Charity- you have a sense of belonging to humanity. You feel a desire and obligation to donate to charitable organizations.

            These are all excellent qualities and practices to try to emulate. It can make life a lot less stressful when you are ready. However, I also know that things happen in our lives that make doing these things very difficult. I was a divorced single parent with a child who had a lot of health problems for many years. I tried but was unable to do these things on my own. I am married to my soulmate now, a wonderful man who supports me, and I can finish school so we can work toward our dream of financial security. We have always worked together with love and respect. I know if you do the same, you and your spouse can make it through any challenge along with God’s help.

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[i] Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt do us Part, (Chapter 2). Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.

[ii] Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt do us Part, (Chapter 2). Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.

Do you want to know how to change your natures so that there is more unity in your marriage? Our Savoir Jesus Christ spoke about that unity and how it will change our characters so that it will make this unity possible. President Henry B. Eyring, then Elder Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, highlights the scriptures and gospel doctrines and principles that, if followed, will help us achieve unity in our marriage. [i]

            It is not always easy to live in unity and peace with those around you. Oppositions, challenges, temptations, and tragedies happen. Fortunately, Heavenly Father placed in our hearts a desire to be man and wife, and to dwell forever in families in a perfect and righteous union. He also put in his children a desire to live in peace with all those around them. He placed these desires in our hearts so that we would be successful in obeying his commandments. The Savoir commands us to be one as members of his church. (D&C38:27). It is also a commandment for husband and wife to live in unity. “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

            The Savoir provided a way for our hearts to be one, how?[ii]

• Believe the truth He taught.
• Accept the ordinances and covenants offered by His authorized servants.
• Qualify, receive, and stay worthy to receive the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost as we keep covenants. He will sanctify us and bring peace and unity to us.
• Take Christ’s name upon us and always remember Him and keep His commandments.
• Beware of pride and be willing to love and forgive

            If we follow the Savoir Jesus Christ’s example and teachings, we too can be peacemakers and have unity in our marriages, families, and those around us. You and your mate can truly become one!

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[i] Henry B. Eyring, “That We May Be One,” Ensign, May 1998

[ii] Henry B. Eyring, “That We May Be One,” Ensign, May 1998

• 

What is physical intimacy? What have the prophets and apostles said about it?

            Marriage.com defines physical intimacy as,” Physical intimacy between couples is an act or exchange of feelings including close companionship, platonic love, romantic love or sexual attraction. … For a married couple, intimacy includes physical, emotional and spiritual close, inherent to the happiness of a close couple.”[i]

            In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints talks about physical intimacy in marriage in The Family A Proclamation to the world.” The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” [ii]

            Several prophets and apostles have talked about physical intimacy over the years. I am going to share the ones that stick out to me the most. Marital intimacy is a very sacred subject. We should ensure that we are reverencing and protecting it in our marriages. The prophets and apostles have said many inspiring words concerning physical intimacy that will help us do that.

            Physical Intimacy is ordained of the Lord. President John Taylor, a past President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints once said the following, “We have a great many principles innate in our natures that are correct, but they want sanctifying. God said to man, ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.’( Genesis 1:28) Well, he has planted, in accordance with this, a natural desire in women towards man, and in man towards women and a feeling of affection, regard, and sympathy exists between the sexes. We bring it into the world with us, but that, like everything else, has to be sanctified. An unlawful gratification of these feelings and sympathies is wrong in the sight of God, and leads down to death, while a proper exercise of our functions leads to life, happiness, and exaltations in this world and the world to come. And so it is in regard to a thousand other things.”[iii]

                Intimacy and blessing from the Lord, President Lorenzo Snow past president of the church spoke concerning this. “Think of the promises that are made to you in the beautiful and glorious ceremony that is used in the marriage covenant in the temple. When two Latter-day Saints are united together in marriage, promises are made to them concerning their offspring, that reach from eternity to eternity. They are promised that they shall have the power and the right to govern and control and administer salvation and exaltation and glory to their offspring worlds without end. And what offspring they do not have here, undoubtedly there will be opportunities to have them hereafter. What else could man wish? A man and a woman in the other life, having celestial bodies, free from sickness and disease, glorified and beautified beyond description, standing in the midst of their posterity, governing and controlling them, administering life, exaltation, and glory, worlds without end.”[iv]

                Physical intimacy can also be misused. President Spencer W. Kimball, another past prophet of the church spoke on this subject. “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true, and the Lord would not condone it.”[v]

                Howard W. Hunter, another past prophet also spoke on this subject. “Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.”

Sensitivity to your spouse is touched on in A Parents Guide Chapter 6. “Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual need associated with this sacred act. They will be able to complement each other in the marriage relationship if they give tender, considerate attention to these needs of their partner. Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than to use this highly significant relationship merely to satisfy his or her own passion. Couples will discover differences in the needs or desires each partner has for the relationship, but when each strives to satisfy the needs of the other these differences need not present a serious problem. Remember, this intimate relationship between husband and wife was established to bring joy to them. An effort to reach this righteous objective will enable married couples to use their complementary natures to bring joy to this union.”[vi]

                Be true to your spouse, President Howard W. Hunter gave wise council about this. ““Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed.  Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage.  Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed.”[vii]

President Ezra Taft Benson also gave wise counsel on being faithful to your spouse and protecting your marriage from spiritual and physical infidelity. “If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. Sometimes we hear of a married man going to lunch with his secretary or other women in the office. Men and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity. A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters, this is what Paul men at when he said, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).”[viii]

                If we follow the wise counsel of the prophet’s and apostles, we can enjoy meaningful intimacy in marriage and protect our marriage from spiritual and physical infidelity.

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[i] Dos and Don’Ts of Physical Intimacy in Marriage – Marriage.com

[ii] https://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/relief-society/relief-society-resources/family-proclamation-1997840-PDF.pdf

[iii] President John Taylor, Intimacy in Marriageand Gospel Kingdom, 61.

[iv] President Lorenzo Snow, Intimacy in Marriage and Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, 138.

[v] Spencer W. Kimball,Intimacy in Marriage and Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 312.

[vi] A Parents Guide Chapter 6 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

[vii] President Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51

[viii] President Ezra Taft Benson. “The Law of Chastity,” BYU 1987-88 Devotional and Fireside Speeches [1988], p. 52.

Are you having constant disagreements with your spouse? Do you feel that you are unable to make any headway in getting the other to understand and respect the other’s perspective? If so, you are experiencing marital gridlock!

Gridlock disagreements share four characteristics.

1. You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution.
2. Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection.
3. The issue is becoming increasingly dividing.
4. Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out- giving up something important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self.

Neither of you have to give in or loose you acknowledge as discuss the issue without hurting one another. Happily married couples are aware of each other’s dreams and make it a goal in their marriage to help each other realize their dreams. What if you don’t know wat your spouse’s dream is? You will have to uncover the hidden dream. The dream will most likely not come out until you feel your marriage is in a safe place. That is why it is important to work on and create marriage skills that will make you both feel happy and secure. First, let you partner influence you. Second, turn toward your partner instead of away. Third nurture your admiration for one another. When you have incorporated these things into your relationship you will be ready to start overcoming gridlock.

Step1: Explore the Dream(s)

You will begin with writing your position about an issue then Focus on what each partner’s needs, wants and feelings about the situation. Do not bad-mouth or criticize your partner. Each partner takes a turn talking about what it means to you, describe the dream fueling it and what it symbolizes and why it is important. While their partner is doing this, the other partner withholds judgement and does not take it personally if there dream clashes with their own.

Step 2: Soothe

Pay attention to how your partner reacts and if you feel signs of stress alert your partner. Use repairs if either of you become upset. If needed stop for awhile and something that helps you feel calm.

Step 3:

Reach a temporary compromise

Step 4: Say Thank You to your partner!

[1] Image: Mistletoe couple

[2] John M. Gottman, PH.D., The Seven Principles for Making  Marriage Work, New York, 2115, Chapter 11 Overcome Gridlock.

According to John M. Gottman, PH.D., and relationship expert, there are two kinds of marital conflict: solvable and perpetual problems. (pg.170) [i] Like their names suggest, solvable disputes are those that are minor can be solved. Continuous conflicts are those conflicts that are not resolved and will probably be there for the rest of your lives. Gottman says that most disputes in marriages are perpetual (69%). (pg.171) [ii]

            Thankfully you do not have to solve all your differences to have a happy marriage. You can learn not to let these problems overwhelm your relationship by keeping them in their place and have a sense of humor when approaching them.

            When you are engaged in conflict, sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference, so how can you know? The issue does not appear as intense, painful, or you are arguing over a solvable problem in which you are concentrating on the dilemma or situation. For example, having to rush to work because both partners are not doing all they can to get out the door on time. When you are in perpetual conflicts, they are more intense because you are arguing without an underlying problem fueling the conflict. Something small like speeding can be about more significant issues like trust, security, and selfishness.[iii]

            How can we manage conflict?

• Listen and express negative emotions in a way that does not make either party feel attacked but allows the message to make their voices heard and healing begin.
• No one is right, and there is no absolute reality, two subjective realities.
• Acceptance of each other is crucial.
• Focus on fondness and admiration, not faults.

            If you and your partner remember these concepts, you can manage your marital conflict and have a happy marriage.

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[i] John M. Gottman, PH.D., The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York, 2015.

[ii] John M. Gottman, PH.D., The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York, 2015.

[iii] John M. Gottman, PH.D., The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York, 2015.

Pride is a sin that comes in many forms. Sometimes people aren’t even aware that they are guilty of sin. What is pride? President Ezra Taft Benson(President of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints from 1985-1994) explains what the sin of pride is, “Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing. The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us. Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.”[i]

            Whenever we are showing hatred towards our fellow man or not obeying God’s will, we are guilty of the sin of pride and sinning against God. I sometimes forget that it is a commandment to” love our neighbor as ourselves,” and if we are angry, and have hate in our heart towards another person, even if they did something to hurt us, we are committing sin because we are required not to judge and to forgive those who have wronged us.

            President Benson warns us about the damage; pride does to relationships, families, communities, and societies. “Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride. Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” (Prov. 13:10; see also Prov. 28:25.) The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings. The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. (See Prov. 15:10; Amos 5:10.) Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures. (See Matt. 3:9; John 6:30–59.) Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind. Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?”[ii]

[i] “Beware of Pride”, Ezra Taft Benson, General Conference the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 1 April 1989.

President Benson has warned us of how pride can damage relationships and how by letting go of pride and lifting others up as Christ lifts us up, we will know happiness and love. He encourages us all to lift each other up. Will you except President Benson’s invitation to follow the Savoir by lifting others up and turning away from pride?

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[ii] “Beware of Pride”, Ezra Taft Benson, General Conference the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 1 April 1989.

[iii] Pride image , https://pxhere.com/en/photo/334547

         I can tell you from experience, the great difference it makes in a marriage when a couple puts God first in their marriage and have an eternal perspective, and deep devotion for one another. My first marriage was to a person who was not equally committed to God and our marriage as I was. He was selfish and immature; we were not right for each other. It was not a happy marriage, I tried very hard and put in all the effort and compromise while he only brought selfishness and disrespect. Eventually, after much heartache, the marriage ended. My second marriage, my eternal marriage, to my eternal companion is the exact opposite. It is a marriage based on love and respect where God is first. We see each other as children of our heavenly father and treat each other with admiration. We treat our marriage and family relationships with our son and extended family based upon the principles of the Gospel and The Family A Proclamation to The World. When we first got married, we prayed that our love would grow closer every day, and it has!

President Ezra Taft Benson taught us that ” when we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities. We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives”(pg. 49) [1]

Having faith in Jesus Christ provides an eternal perspective in marriage and toward your spouse. Having faith in Jesus Christ and knowing through his atonement and through our, baptism, repentance, and obedience to the commandments, we are forgiven of our sins, qualifying us for eternal life. This knowledge allows us to see life and love beyond this life know and allows you to see life and family relationships into eternity. When you have an eternal perspective towards marriage you want to protect and nurture it. Your perspective towards your spouse is also different from an eternal perspective.  You see your spouse with greater love and appreciation. you have chosen your partner for eternity and want to make the relationship a strong, happy and fulfilling one.

H. Wallace Goddard, P.H. D., Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,2007 NY 

In the poem “Lamentation” written by Arta Romney Ballif, a sister to President Marion G. Romney. She imagines Eve’s experience as a wife and mother, her questions and desire to understand the Lord.

And God said, “BE FRUITFUL, AND MULTIPLY—”

 Multiply, multiply—echoes multiply—

 God said, ”I WILL GREATLY MULTIPLY THY SORROW—”

‘ Thy sorrow, sorrow, sorrow—

I have gotten a man from the Lord

 I have traded the fruit of the garden for the fruit of my body

 For a laughing bundle of humanity.

 And now another one who looks like Adam.

 We shall call this one “Abel ” It is a lovely name, “Abel.”

 Cain, Abel, the world is yours. God set the sun in the heavens to light your days

To warm the flocks, to kernel the grain He illuminated your nights with stars

He made the trees and the fruit thereof yielding seed He

 made every living thing, the wheat, the sheep, the cattle For your enjoyment

. And, behold, it is very good (Page 68)

 Adam? Adam, Where art thou?

 Where are the boys? The sky darkens with clouds.

 Adam, is that you? Where is Abel?

 He is long caring for his flocks. The sky is black and the rain hammers.

 Are the ewes lambing Is this storm? Why your troubled face, Adam?

Are you ill? Why so pale, so agitated?

The wind will pass The lambs will birth With Abel’s help. Dead? What is dead?

Merciful God! Hurry, bring warm water I’ll bathe his wounds

 Bring clean clothes Bring herbs I’ll heal him.

 I am trying to understand. You said, “Abel is dead.”

 But I am skilled with herbs Remember when he was seven The fever?

 Remember how— Herbs will not heal? Dead? (Page 69)

And Cain? Where is Cain? Listen to that thunder. Cain Cursed?

 What has happened to him? God said, “A fugitive and a vagabond”?

 But God can’t do that. They are my sons, too. I gave them birth In the valley of pain

Adam, try to understand In the valley of pain I bore them fugitive? vagabond?

 This is home This soil he loved Where he toiled for golden wheat For tasseled corn.

To the hill country? There are rocks in the hill country Cain can’t work in the hill country

 The nights are cold Cold and lonely, and the wind gales

. Quick, we must find him A basket of bread and his coat

 I worry, thinking of him wandering With no place to lay his head.

 Cain cursed? A wanderer. A roamer? Who will bake his bread and mend his coat? (Page 70)

Abel, my son. Dead? And Cain, my son, a fugitive?

Two sons Adam, we had two sons Both—Oh, Adam— multiply sorrow Dear God, Why?

 Tell me again about the fruit Why? Please tell me again Why?[i]

             As I read the poem, I could feel her panic, confusion, urgency to help her boys, and her pain when she realized that she could not help them and that they were lost to her. I can understand how she must have felt as I too am a wife and am a mother of a son. My heart would break if he was lost to me and there was nothing, I could do to save him. I came close to loosing my son when he was very small but thanks to my faith and a miracle from od my son was able to recover with some medical help.

            The thoughts that come to my mind is that despite the heartache and great loss Adam and Eve suffered they loved each other and their God and did not lose their faith. They trusted the Lord and the Plan of Salvation and lived the rest of their lives in faith. Our Marriages our similar to the experiences of Adam and Eve in that we go through all sorts trials and have to make all sorts of sacrifices but if our love is strong for each other and God and if we keep our faith, trusting in the Plan of Salvation we will have happy marriages that can face anything.

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[i] “Lamentation” Arta Romney Ballif, a sister to President Marion G. Romney.

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., a relationship therapist, studied married couples at the Love Lab on the University of Washington campus. The main finding of Gottman’s research is that strong marriages have a strong friendship as a defining characteristic. In fact, Gottman’s whole book, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work,” has to do with building friendships and dealing with conflict in healthy ways so that it does not adversely affect the friendship.[ii]

             What does Gottman mean by friendship, and why is friendship so important in marriage?

In chapter two entitled, “What does make a marriage work?” Gottman explains what he means by friendship on the bottom of page twenty-seven. “At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately and are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams.  They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in big ways but through small gestures day in day out. [iii]

When couples learn to react to one another in positive ways and avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, their relationships have more romance and contentment.

Think about your friendships…is your spouse your best friend and are you a part of their hopes and dream!

[i] (image)  http://clipart-library.com/getting-married-cliparts.html (Links to an external site.)

[ii] John m. Gottman, PH.D., Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York,2015

Detriments to Eternal Marriage and Our Society

            The Family: A Proclamation to the World states “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children….

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose…

The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally…

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities…

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”[i]

            [ii]

            We come to this earth as heavenly father’s sons and daughters to receive a body, gain experience, and to fulfill our eternal destiny by receiving the covenants of salvation and entering the covenant of eternal marriage then creating eternal families. These families form strong individuals and communities and are what make strong nations and societies. The attack and decline of these families endanger societies.

            In Elder Bruce C. Hafen’s talk entitled “Covenant Marriage,” he talks about “three kinds of wolves” that every marriage is tested with. These wolves can be detrimental to marriages and by a larger definition of society. These wolves are natural adversity, individual imperfections, and excessive individualism[iii].

            Natural adversities happen every day. They are out of our control and can be devastating, like the death of a child. These are times when we should come to God in Prayer. However, sadly, often, people blame God and other people and turn their backs on God and the people they love the most. That’s one way the advisory destroys individuals, marriages, families and societies. My husband and I faced such an adversity our first year of marriage. We had a miscarriage a week before Christmas. Thankfully we did not have a contract marriage that ends at the first sign of trouble. We have a covenant marriage for eternity. Instead of blaiming God or eachother we supported eachother and bowed on our knees to God and trusted that we would see our precious child in the eteernities.

            Individual imperfections are particularly dangerous. No one is perfect, yet we tend to ignore our imperfections and focus on someone else’s. We are often criticizing them for what we find fault. It can be very cruel and damaging to the other person. Spouses, family members and community members’ self-images are damaged, and emotional dysfunction occurs.  Unfortunately I know this all to well. My first marriage was not an eternal marriage but a contract marriage. We married young and were not right for eachother. I tried very hard but my ex-husband became more and more abusive. Personally attacking everything about me, even becoming physically abusive. I was devastated.

            Excessive individualism is one of the advisory’s favorite tools. He exaggerates the need for space and makes people believe they don’t need God or each other. People don’t feel happy and free. They feel alone. More children are growing up in single-family homes or born out of wedlock. More and more divorces are occurring, all because of selfishness.

             We must fight to combat these three wolves that threaten individuals, marriages, families, and society.

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[i] The Family: A Proclamation to the World read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

[ii] christian marriage vector royalty free clipart.com

[iii] Bruce C. Hafen,” Covenant Marriage,” Ensign, November1996,26